do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
