Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
