Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
