life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
