So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
