Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
