i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
