there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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