i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
