I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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