just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
