She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
