My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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