Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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