did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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