took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
