I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it glows. i had to have it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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