tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
