you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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