the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
