I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
