I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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