i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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