I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Please don't give away my fajitas
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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