Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
