If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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