I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
All I want is dick and wine.
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