Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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