And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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