I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
