sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
