very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize