Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
