haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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