I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
