are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
