He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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