Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
