Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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