I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
