My hand turned me down
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
