Christians are straight up FREAKS
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
