Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
