I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize