The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
