bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
