Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
