Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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