I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
