you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
This can only be settled by a dance off.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
