take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
