It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
