Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
