I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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