i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
