Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
