Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
