She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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