He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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