Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize