so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize