Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
