Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
