it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
