U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I want her autograph on my taint
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
