reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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