I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
