Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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