haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
