Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
