I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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