theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
