can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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