I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
