I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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