whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
