so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
