I faked an abortion last night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
