I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
