My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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