I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
