We named our party play list daddy issues
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
