Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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