There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
