There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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