My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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