it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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