I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
