I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
