a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
