He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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