those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
