Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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