Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize