We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
