I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
