Umm I'm too high to move.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just found a bag of teeth...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize