After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
pop tarts are not kleenex
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
